I just started running

(Brace yourself for cell phone pictures and lots of words)

Yesterday was a weird day for me.  My scale told me things I didn't much appreciate.  When do I ever appreciate what it has to say.  I need to throw that stupid thing away.  But that is a discussion for another day. I love to run, you know that - but lately my runs have been melancholy, here and there.  Not fast, not far, just getting me moving, keeping me healthy, and trying to keep my mind sane. I have actually enjoyed the "break"  from pressure.  I just run when I want as fast as I want and feel good about it.  I haven't done anything over 4 miles since about November.  I was starting to become accustomed to running at lunch, keeping it short and sweet and  4 miles was about perfect.  Around the holidays I started running less, knowing around February I would really have to ramp it up and do some serious miles.

So back to yesterday.  The weather was rainy and the sky was grey {welcome to Jan in the NW}. The scale made me angry {working on that} and work was busy {I should be grateful}.  I didn't have a chance for a lunch time workout.  I didn't even get into the shower until 3.... yikes!  When my sweet hubs came home he had the most beautiful mood altering rose for me - I hadn't told him, how did he know?? Laying my head on his shoulder made me feel better.  Oh how I love being married.

After dinner we were catching up on our favorite Food Network shows {obsessed with FN these days}.  At about 8pm as hubs was beginning to yawn I started getting antsy.  I can't sit long and on a day where I have worked at home all day without a chance to leave the antsy-ness is turned up a notch. Since Ben wakes up at 5am, he needs to go to bed early.  I love when we go to bed together, but some days I can't do the early to bed so I will  tuck him in and join him a couple hours later.  Last night I was the opposite of exhausted.  I needed to move, I needed to get these crappy feelings out.  "I think I am going to go running when you go to bed," I said to him.  "Outside? Not outside I hope?!"  "No silly hubs. At the gym, it's open till 11."

At bed time I left.  I went to the gym not sure what the plan was.  I just wanted to move.  I thought to myself, "I think I will just run until this treadmill times out."  The treadmills at my old gym timed out at 60 mins.  I though the treadmills at the new gym would do the same and I was pretty sure I could handle that.  When I started I felt AWESOME!  Seriously it was the amazing running when you don't even feel like like your running.  It feels good and effortless like this and this.  OH. SO. GOOD.  When I looked down and saw 61 minutes I wondered what was going on?  I guess this isn't going to end at 60 mins!  I was almost to 7 miles. "Wow, I didn't know I could still run 7 miles", I thought.  "I bet I could do 8.  Actually I know I could do 8, I bet I could do TEN!"  I scrolled through the options on the treadmill trying to see when it really was going to time out.  99 minutes.  I had a little over 30 minutes to get there.  I could do it.

At about 8.5 miles my body felt tired.  I couldn't remember the last time I ran 8 miles. When I am  not training for something I usually stick around 6 - 7, but hadn't even been close to that lately. So it was probably before the wedding planning got crazy - maybe Sept? Yikes.  {I should add here that this is how people get hurt.  I would never ever suggest increasing your miles like this. I should know better. The endorphins got the best of me.} Then I saw 8.75, the 9 and I thought, good job Amber.  I hadn't given myself props all day.  I had been so hard on myself this morning after the scale incident.  How thoughtless and rude I had been to my body and look what it was doing for me. It was tired and it kept going because I asked. It sprinted that last mile just so I could see 10 on a treadmill.  It did that for me.  Finally I saw the 10!

I felt something about running that I hadn't felt in a while.  Appreciation.  Appreciation to myself for fueling with good food so I could run 10 miles.  Appreciation to my muscles for moving me forward. Appreciation to my bones for enduring the pounding impact.  I felt cheesy and wondered why I was making such a big deal about it since I  had run 10 plus miles so many times before.  Then, I remembered mile 8 in my very first half marathon. I thought about what I was actually doing and wanted to break down and cry because I was so thankful for a healthy body allowing me to run mile after mile.

Thank you healthy body.  I don't tell you enough - I appreciate you.