Warning: You may get more than you bargain for here. There are lots of words below, some are descriptive and are quite possibly more detail than you would like. That's okay, you don't have to read it if you are uncomfortable (or if you don't have time to read the novel I have written below), this is mostly for me and my fading memory. You have been warned.
It started on April 16th, Ben's birthday. We had celebrated in style all weekend long and this particular birthday Tuesday was fairly laid back. About mid-day I called my doctor. I had an appointment the next day, but had noticed my always kicking and rolling baby hadn't moved much since Saturday. I wasn't sure if it had been the busy weekend or the fact that he was growing nice and big and running out of room, but as I sat down and started to think I realized his movement had seriously decreased. I thought if I called they would let me come in a day early, do a little heart rate check, ease my mind and send me on my way. Instead, they insisted I head to Labor and Delivery to have his movements checked out. I laughed, "I am SURE he is fine!" But they promised it would be in my best interest. After taking Ben out for a birthday lunch he and I decided it we were better safe than sorry and I headed straight to the hospital. When I arrived they hooked me up to monitors to track my contractions and the baby movement. Of course, NOW he started moving and kicking up a storm. In between his flurry of kicks and movements the nurse would ask, "Can you feel that??" over and over again. What exactly was I supposed to be feeling, because I felt absolutely nothing. She laughed when I looked at her with a blank stare and told me I was having fairly regular contractions She noted that that may have been why I hadn't felt my little babe move much. I asked if these were labor contractions and she said, "Not if you don't feel them! Trust me, you will KNOW when you're in labor." After she promised my baby was perfect she unhooked me and send me on my way.
That evening Ben and I went to the gym. We squatted, pushed and pulled to our hearts content and our bodies exhaustion. After the workout I felt a little sick and brushed it off, deciding I was hungry. Ben had one serious birthday request that day. He wanted to go to Dragon King for dinner. Dragon King, is a Chinese food buffet not far from our house. For the last 2 years we have driven by this place and laughed that ONE DAY we will try it. Ben's birthday, he decided, was the day. I agreed, I mean, I can't say no to a birthday request! We headed to the restaurant after the gym, pleasantly surprised that we weren't grossed out, we ate. We laughed and chatted over sesame chicken and won-tons and crossed our fingers that we wouldn't be puking later. When we got home my stomach was a little sick, not food sick though, just achy and didn't feel right. I laid down and it progressively got a little worse. This, I thought, this could be it! I didn't say much though. Suddenly the reality that I MIGHT actually be in labor set it. "Is this labor? Is this the KNOW feeling everyone talks about??" As we got ready for bed I said to Ben, "We might have a baby soon". I realized I still had so much to do, I got out the nail polish to freshen up my toes. Finally, I reasoned, if this was labor I better go to bed. Sleep, right now, would be important. We headed to bed, I wanted so badly to scream - "I AM ALMOST POSITIVE THIS BABY IS TRYING TO MAKE HIS ENTRANCE!!" But I didn't. This time it wasn't a joke, I really didn't want to be wrong.
At 2 am on April 17th I woke up. The aching was worse and my stomach was contracting and now, it hurt! THIS, I thought, this is what they were talking about. This is labor. The feeling is undeniable. I got up, headed to the bathroom and ran a bath. Friends had told me if you run a bath and you aren't in "real" labor the contractions will stop. If you are in labor, the warm water will help with the pain. Either way, win win. I sat in the bath for a couple hours. Oh man, I was so tired. My eyes would drift off between contractions and be wide awake for the next set. At this point they were about 15 - 18 mins apart and lasted only about 20 seconds. Finally, I decided my skin was pruned, my bath water was freezing and I was bound to drown in between tub sleep sessions - I had better get out. Plus, since I wasn't sleeping anytime soon I may as well pack a bag!! It seemed the second I got out of the bath the contractions increased. I tried my best to time them, but as soon as they were over I would forget when they started. I sat on the ground of my closet, winced in pain and decided to look for an app on my phone. There had to be an app to track contractions! I downloaded one and as I threw clothes and toiletries into a bag I pressed start and stop on my little app tracking the pain. 6-10 mins apart about 30 seconds long. They were getting closer, more intense. I told myself it would be a whole day of this. I would need to work, I would probably need Ben to come home at lunch time to take me to the hospital. I had a full day ahead of me I decided and since the pain was bound to get worse, I had better curl my hair now before it was too late. I stood in the bathroom at 4:30 am and curled my hair, applied lotion and thought about putting make-up on. As I stood there I tracked the contractions on my app, put the flat iron down through the pain and bent down knowing it would be over soon. They lasted about 45 seconds. I never got to my make-up. Between the bending over and the tears that escaped my eyes during those short seconds I decided make-up was pointless today. Then I remembered that I hadn't finished my bag. My goodness, where was my brain?! I sat back down on the floor, hair curled, not brushed and I threw more clothes in. Finally, I decided to lay down. It was a little after 5 am when Ben walked in. "Amber, what are you doing?! Are you okay?" Oh yeah, I told him. I was fine. I just couldn't sleep with these contractions. I told him I thought they were real and that I was getting my bag ready. He stared at me like I was nuts. Looking back, I think I was. He wondered if he should take me to the hospital right away. I told him no, I wasn't ready. I told him he had better pack a bag though, it would probably be today. I told him to shower, go to work, we didn't need to go anywhere soon. Ben showered as I labored and packed. I would stop to breathe and go back to getting my things together. As he began to dress himself in work clothes I had a contraction. Nope, he decided. He was not going to work. "Amber, we are going to the hospital." He hugged me and I cried. Why it is when someone hugs you your body decides it's okay to let out every emotion your holding in? I still wasn't convinced though. My mind and heart went back and forth between "OH CRAP I am going to push this baby out NOW!!" to "The hospital is for sure going to send me home. Labor at home, they will say. Come back when you're actually dilated!" The later scared me. I didn't want to be turned away. I didn't want anyone to tell me this pain I was feeling wasn't real. Ben packed his bag and Oliver's too. He loaded the car with a car seat and coming home outfits. He filled bags with granola bars and candy. Finally he convinced me it was time to go. The tears had a mind of their own at this point. I couldn't figure out why - the pain really wasn't that bad, it was manageable really, and I wasn't scared, but it didn't matter those tears came when they felt like and stopped just the same.
Finally, at 7:30 am we arrived at the hospital. I told Ben, "Don't bring in any of those bags. When they send us home we will look like crazy people!" We grabbed my purse, Ben's treats, the camera and told Oliver we would be right back. We walked the sky bridge into the hospital stopping 3 times to breathe through contractions. They were about 2 -3 mins apart and about 45 seconds long. I looked at Ben and said, "We better get in there! I think this baby is coming."
We walked to the labor and delivery desk and a contraction came as I was about to tell the nice nurse that I thought I was in labor. Instead I just cried while Ben interpreted. She pointed me right to a labor room and called the sweetest nurse I have ever met to be by my side. Kim was her name. Kim had me lay down. She hooked my belly up to a monitor to check my baby and asked if she could check my progress. "PLEASE!" I responded. She announced I was dilated to 5cm and she commented on how low my baby was. "It won't be long, I can feel him trying to come out", she said. Kim called my doctor and asked if I wanted an epidural. The dreaded question. To be honest, I hadn't decided. My thought had always been that if I had a fast progressing birth that I would forgo the epidural and gung-ho push the baby out. If the labor was slow progressing I would have an epidural, play cards and wait for our babe. This labor was fast moving, I was already to a 5 and I could have sworn the baby was crawling his way out. "I'll go without," I said. "I will let you know if I change my mind." Kim unhooked me from the monitors so I could move around and get comfortable.
We texted Bethany and Shannon who we wanted to be there with us. They rushed from their morning activities to be in the room to help. At 8:00 am Kim checked me again, this time I was at 8 cm and the baby was even lower! I could have told her that though. Now, my contractions were 1 min long and 1-2 mins apart. The rests were getting shorter, the pain more intense. I stayed mostly silent answering questions when asked and breathing when a contraction came. I tried to let out a smile every now and again to say, "I am alright", but mostly I closed my eyes and relaxed my body. Ben sat to the left of my bed. I couldn't lay on my back, I didn't want to bounce on their ball and getting back in a tub sounded horrible. Instead I rolled to the left side with most my body off the bed and on Ben's knees. He worried I was going to fall out of bed, but I just wanted to lay with my head buried in his leg and breathe.
The contractions seemed to last forever, but they were nothing I couldn't breathe through. I could feel the pain coming on, I could slow my breath, calm my body and they would end. Even though I had only 1 or 2 mins between the contractions, those minutes were relaxing and exactly what my body needed. In that short time it felt like my body would fall into a deep rest. I would completely relax, tune everything out and just be. Then the next contraction would come on - deep breath.... breathe.... and it was gone. Over and over I did that until the pressure got worse. There was only one way out of this I told myself. There was no turning back now, I needed to have this baby. "Where is Dr. Dunnam?" I asked Kim, "I REALLY need to push this baby out." The pressure got so intense that I felt like if I didn't actively try to hold him in my body would naturally just push the baby out. As the pressure got worse my body shook through contractions. I tried to relax my muscles and beg them not to push. At 9:00 am Dr. Dunnam arrived. I was so excited to see her. Dr. Dunnam had been my doctor since before we started trying for a baby. She helped us when I couldn't get pregnant and she jumped up and down in excitement for me when I did get pregnant. She and I would chat about names and schools through the 10 months I was pregnant. I wanted so badly for her to be the Dr. to deliver my baby and there she was! My heart was happy.
My body shook and my eyes squeezed tightly closed, and I asked again and again, "Can I PLEASE push now!?" Finally, at 9:30 am everyone was in place and it was time to PUSH. Sweet Ben stood behind my head promising not to get in any of the gory details. Kim held my right leg and Shannon my left. "Ok, Amber" I heard, "you are going to bend your legs and when this next contraction comes you are going to push." This sentence was music to my ears, I wanted, I NEEDED to get this baby out. The contraction came, everyone yelled, "Push, push, push". So I did, I buckled down, I used those pregnant abs I had worked out in the gym everyday and by darn I pushed. "Ok, stop!" I heard. I stopped. "The cord is wrapped around his neck, I am going to cut it long so it will unwind." She cut, everything was fine. Then Dr. Dunnam said, "Amber I think we should do an episiotomy after this next contraction I think it will help so you don't tear." But, it was too late, the contraction came. I bore down, used those abs again and pushed with everything I had. "Open your eyes!" I heard, "there's his head!" I opened my eyes, saw what slightly resembled a head and pushed one more time. At 9:39 am our little babe was born. Purple and perfect Dr. Dunnam lifted him straight to my chest and wiped the goop off while Michelle, our baby nurse, rubbed his back to make him cry. He was everything I had dreamed of. He had hair and all his toes and fingers. The fingers went straight into his mouth. I cried, I laughed, I couldn't believe this had really happened.
I looked at Ben, WE had a baby. He leaned down, gave me a kiss, it was such a special moment. The kind burned in your brain, never to forget. That sweet look on his face, the tears that filled his eyes. The moment was perfect and holy cow, it was real, it really was real.
Michelle continued to make the baby cry, "to get all the fluid out," she said. I just held him and touched him and closed my eyes trying to take in my babe and the moment. As our baby lay with me, Ben was able to cut his umbilical cord. While we oohed and ahhed over the baby Dr. Dunnam explained that I had tore pushing the baby out. She was going to stitch me up and call in one of her partners to help. "Great!" I thought. I didn't care, I had a baby! Not one, but TWO, Doctors arrived to help stitch me up. Since I hadn't had an epidural, I felt it all. They numbed, or tried to numb, as they worked. But I felt them tugging and pulling and an hour wondered if this was maybe worse than I had gathered originally. Ed came to rescue Oliver from the car right in the middle of my stitches. I wasn't there, but I know Mr. O was excited to see him and to play for a couple of days. Michelle and Shannon held my hands as they stitched, Baby W laid on my chest and I wondered if now was too late to ask for that epidural. They kept the baby with me the whole time, as some sort of distraction from the pain, I imagine. It worked for a good while. Finally I asked, "How much longer is this going to take?" They had been stitching for over an hour! This was obviously worse than I had given credit for. Ten minutes was the response I got, and 10 mins later they were cleaning up and moving out. They later explained I had a 4th degree tear, they gave me pain medications right away and everyone gave me the "OUCH, I am so sorry!" eyes. I didn't know the difference, everything seemed fine to me.
I sat up, Kim brought me peanut butter toast and Sprite mixed with cranberry juice. I wanted to kiss her, it was like she knew me - peanut butter, cranberry juice AND a baby all in one day?! Perfection. I held our sweet boy in my arms. "So, what are we going to name him?" Ben said. Oh yeah, a name. We had a whole list. list we (I) had been working on since the day we knew I was pregnant. A list we could never agree on and I swear we had put on and crossed off every boy name you can think of. But when Ben asked I could only think of one name, my very favorite name from the beginning - Maxwell. "Do you think he looks like a Maxwell?" I asked. I don't remember exactly what Ben said, probably - sure or I think so. And so it was, Maxwell Paul Walunas. Sound the horns, we had finally named our baby!
Ben, Shannon, Bethany and I sat around for a while talking about the craziness that had just taken place. Laughing that they sewed me up longer than I pushed a baby out, crying that our sweet boy was actually here. We noted the roundness of his head and laughed that he hadn't been in the birth canal long enough for a cone head, we joked that the million squats I had done only the night before got this babe ready. I forgot I was exhausted. I forgot that only a short time ago I had been begging to push, I had told myself there was only one way for the pain of labor to end - and I had done it! Kim and Michelle came back, they weighed our Maxwell - 7lbs 1oz and 20.9 inches long. Finally they handed the baby to Ben. He held him so tight and looked into his eyes. Daddy and baby sit down together, just the two of them, another moment I hope I never forget.
Shannon and Bethany were so helpful and wonderful to have there with us. After we had taken up most their day birthing our most perfect little baby, they packed up to get back to their lives.
Kim took Ben and I to our room where we would stay for a couple days. Kim was a rockstar, hands down the best nurse. She kept telling me how I was the best patient she had and she didn't want to leave us. But alas, the birth was over and we had to move on. She hooked us up with the corner room, an awesome view, a mini fridge and more sprite and cranberry juice.
In our next couple days in the hospital Ben and I spent some time getting to know our little man. He has had us smitten by day one. We cuddled him, slept with him and showered him with kisses. We spent quiet time, just us. I learned how to nurse and swaddle. We showed him off to anyone and everyone who wanted to come visit and my mom bought a flight out to welcome her new little grandson. I cried every time Ben kissed my head, or held our baby and EVERY single time I thought about how truly blessed we are.
Welcome to the world little Max! You are truly a blessing straight from heaven and I am so lucky to be your momma.
Here is a slideshow Bethany put together for us of Maxwell's birth. She did such a wonderful job!
As if this post isn't long enough, I would like to note a couple of things, for me - about labor:
1. Husbands play such an important role. Having Ben there to hold my hand, rub my back and give me sips of water was exactly how I had imagined it. His partnership through all of this has been exactly how I dreamed my marriage would be. He makes dreams come true.
2. I didn't realize I would feel this way, I had actually never thought much about it, but I was truly grateful for Shannon and Bethany being there with us. Moral support is exactly what labor needs. Friends who hold your legs and take photos of your birth are amazing friends. Also, they are friends you should not make angry... they now have serious blackmail material.
3. Fourth degree tears are the worst kind around, I guess. I don't want to even know what that looks like, trust me I will not be google-ing it. I was nervous about recovery, nervous what my body would be like post-baby. Surprisingly enough, it hasn't been bad. I was up walking and moving in no time. I am anxiously awaiting the day I can workout. I am recovering perfectly and I have no worries about my bod in the future.
4. Salmon Creek Hospital's food is terrible, their nurses are the best and they probably make the best ice diaper around. You know what I mean.
5. Our bodies are amazing. The stress and trauma a body can manage is amazing. The fact that it can bring life into this world puts it over the top.
6. I am not pro natural birth or pro epidurals. I am pro whatever works for your body and your birth. I have no doubt my next child's birth will be a brand new story. I can't wait.
7. If I would have known how amazing pregnancy was and childbirth is I would have had children 10 years ago. It's probably good I didn't know.
8. The second I gave birth and my belly was gone I missed being pregnant. I loved this little bundle when he was inside of me. Don't worry, if it's possible, I love him even more on the outside. But pregnancy is awesome.
9. Birthing your placenta is the most relieving feeling ever. Is that weird?
10. My mom spent a few weeks with us to help us get settled in. Moms know how to save the day. I am so glad I have great one and am so lucky I get to be one.
11. I was happy I didn't have a birth plan, expectations or any map to follow. This does not work for everyone, but it truly worked for me. I was happy to let my body do what it needed to do, I am glad it worked out for all of us.
And last but not least,
12. Can we wind back the clock and do it all again? I want to feel that pain, the joy and the euphoric feelings of happiness all over. I would relive those days if I could. Time goes by to quickly, I would like a pause button to soak it all in, please.
